Intuition is something which guide you in the right direction many a time. As a victim of Myasthenia Gravis (A type of muscle weakness) I was suffering for many years. It started like this one day while I was discussing something with my wife she said your voice is not usual as I used to deliver lectures in All India Radio which listens to without fail she is familiar with my modulations. But I was adamant and said there is no difference in my voice.
After some days I realised myself that something is wrong with my voice my wife and myself went to a number one ENT Specialist in the city he made all tests and said you have to consult a nuerologist.The very next day, I went and met a neurologist he said “I doubt you are having Myasthenia Gravis”. I did not understand anything. He asked me to undergo a number of tests including the EMG which was not so comfortable as I was subjected to mild electric shocks in my face. The doctor confirmed I am having MG but I could not believe this. The first thing I have done after reaching home was googling the net for details of MG.I made through study of MG understood that it is a very serious disease but I was not afraid. I do also know it can lead to a crisis which will lead to the death of the patient. I clearly studied what should I know/do in case of a crisis.
Days passed I was regularly taking medicines under the direction of my neurologist. One day I thought how many tabs I have to take daily it is really very uncomfortable, I stopped the medicine and started training my mind that I do not have MG. After some days I found I could not drink water, take food something is blocking the food path in my throat. I was not upset I was not worried because I have got strong trust in the supreme.
My intuition told me to go to the hospital immediately, I informed my wife admit me immediately in the nearby good hospital and I told her the only escape in crisis for MG is plasma transfer or an operation for removal of thymus gland(thank you Google).
We went immediately to the hospital. On the way I noticed the other signs of MG crisis drooping of eyelids, double vision and I could not hold head up properly it was slowly bending down. We met the neurologist he admitted me in the hospital. My brother in law was with me.My wife running to the nearby temple to pray for me.Brother in law told me I will just go home and come back. I was just sitting watching the TV.My wife returned and asked me” why you are sitting for all the time try to walk for some time” and forced me to stand. I was trying to stand but by that time all organs below my hip got paralysed and I could not stand. She tried to make me stand but I collapsed I told her to call the nurse who came running I told her I cannot stand and also I am having difficulty in breathing. She brought oxygen cylinder. She tested everything and said “There is nothing wrong”, but I could not breathe and the next minutes became an important part in my life. I collapsed completely with little life in me.My wife shouted like anything (she told me later what happened) but the nurse continued to hold in her past statement that everything is ok and she could not identify any problem that which she can notice again my wife raised her voice and said take him immediately to the ICU otherwise I will burn this whole place(She became a Kannaki of the Poompukar).Then they moved me to the ICU My nephew who was the legal adviser of the hospital was informed. He immediately came and made arrangements for coordinating the expert doctors. I was put in ventilator. The doctors said “there is no guarantee let us wait and see”.
After some time they declared me dead. My wife could not believe this because I used to tell her I will leave this world only when I wish. She completely shattered, sat in a bench outside with memories of our past. The relations were informed of my demise everybody immediately arrived although it was midnight. Many people my neighbours started prayers to bring me back to life, if at all there is a chance. The fact is not even one time I have talked with them or met them in the recent past, but they loved me. And I do not why and how.
After fifteen minutes, seconds tick ticked away, my heart started tick ticking and I sprang back to life. I was kept in the ICU for a long period of time. I could not move my hands or any part of my body because I was totally paralysed. But my mind was very strong along with my trust in the supreme.
In the hospital, I used to communicate with the tip of my fingers with much difficulty, I will hold a ball point pen and used to scribble what I feel and what I need to inform the nurses. I remember one day a nurse poured very hot Horlicks through a tube inserted in my throat you can imagine how it travelled to my stomach as a fire ball but with a smile, I wrote in the paper and showed what happened the nurse apologised. It was very interesting inside the ICU as normally outsiders are not permitted to go inside.
In the evenings the duty doctor and attenders used to eat “Chilly Gobi “inside the ICU you can very well understand how my mouth watered smelling the dish from my bed. This was because I was permitted only limited food a certain volume of water, Horlicks like that. The lady nurse attenders, some of them were carrying sticks to frighten the patients as school teachers, if at all they refuse to take the medicines.(after all they were nursing students from the same hospital).There were both male and female attenders whom I found in pairs playing with the life of the patients there(I do not blame them after all they are young and at their age they will do only that).They were running here and there like butterflies.
The date for my plasma transfer was fixed and I did not had any anxiety. I came to understand the hospital is going to do this for the first time and the person who has to do this also was a first timer. Actually they were more worried than me to do the transfer successfully. They told me “Sir, if you feel anything uncomfortable give us a sign and we will stop the process” for which I agreed. To my shock they invited all nursing students and teachers to witness this great event. All of them assembled around my bed.
The person in charge explained in detail what he was going to do. Everyone waited for the climax. Slowly doubts crawled in to my mind they are doing this for the first time will they do it successfully. At that time the person in charge shouted”Jai Jakkamma (Let victory be to the divine mother)”.Even today I prone in my mind thinking why he said this (but I understood as a stringent devotee of the divine mother I received this signal from the divine mother to indicate to me not to be afraid).
Man realises the existence of god when he is susceptible to pains and hardships in his life. The project (process) started for plasma transfer. They fixed a number of tubes all over my body. The person in charge instructed the attenders to be very careful and alert once he starts the transfer of new plasma it will enter through this tube and at that time the blood pressure reading will raise more than 300 you have to immediately inject this medicine and like that. While the process was going on I felt a chillness all over my face. Within hours they finished the transfer successfully, this was repeated in the coming days and for nearly five times and was very expensive(My wife has to sacrifice all her gold savings for this but she has done it to save my life, if your wife is so much attached to gold do not blame her)
Slowly my health condition revived and the doctor decided to transfer me to a normal room from ICU. My wife asked the ICU attenders “when you are going to transfer him? “The answer was “any time mam, even now you can take him (the reason being very few people left the ICU alive and they do not wanted me to be a witness for all their pranks inside the ICU anymore, I remember one attender who used to tell me when I say “I could not sleep “he will say “close your eyes tightly “as if he do not want me to see what was going on in there).
Later when I was shifted to a room, one day the head of the attenders(a nursing student) came and said”Sir,We did not know that you were a principal and a professor, we have made lot of noise misbehaved, disturbed you inside the ICU ,please do not feel anything”. My answer was “I saw only some butterflies in a garden and not you”.
I do also observed that some of the senior attenders(paid and regular staff)were very sincere and earnest to the core inside the ICU, who used to give me a towel bath very caringly and with lot of love, respect and affection. There were a few nursing students who took their role very serious and was caring the patients as if they were their own blood relations.
The neurologist used to visit me every day and took photographs of each of my movements in his mobile, which he studied very carefully to proceed further in my treatment, I have never met with such a sincere and selfless doctor in my life. One of my hands revived, followed by the other hand then the legs. But still I was not able to sit in a chair or walk. My wife used to feed me like a baby, clean my dirt, which any other people will hesitate to do. She was more than a mother to me.
Days passed I made up my mind, I should try to walk and I can walk and I started trying to walk first with the help of my wife and later with the help of a physiotherapist. But all the time my mind told me trust in god, take efforts.
I succeeded in walking, I got full movement of all organs. I returned home safely with the blessings of the supreme. Again one problem was left with me my voice was not clear for this every morning, when I woke up the first word I used to say was “amma”I repeated it for many days slowly I noticed changes in my voice, my voice become quite natural as it was in the past. I became the old personality I used to be.
Why this is narrated here is to tell you that when you think everything is lost if the supreme decides nothing will be lost. The trust in supreme and your efforts will play miracles in your life. Think if I did not have any trust in the supreme, if I did not take any efforts, what my fate will be? I learned from my experience who was my true teacher, our life experiences, if you observe it closely will become sometimes the best lessons which you have ever learned which you will never forget in your life.
You should be bold and keep your mind focussed and should not bother about what is going on around you in times of crisis. I still remember the pain I experienced when the nurses were searching all over my body very hard puncturing with a needle for veins which refused to show itself to the nurses for reasons known to them.
For many days I remained fully awake in the night, because I never felt like sleeping but I never had any thoughts in my mind. My mind remained fully blank.
There were no past, present, future in my thoughts. Fifteen days I existed with a quarter glass of water supported with intravenous therapy. It was not difficult for me but what was needed was the blessings of almighty, training and practice. Train your mind so that you can also reach a thought less stage.
I strongly believe even today the blessings of the Siddhas whom I met during my life time are with me and will continue after that.
Even today my Divine Mother is keeping her promise “…I will be with you till the end and after that”.
The words of the ‘Sinchuvadi Swami’“The train goes on, no driver but guard (god)” - still keep me going on till the end and after that!
